Friday, December 03, 2010


Welcome to Horn Lake, Mississippi where we’re sanctioned to vandalize your car. We’re serious about our parking ordinances in Horn Lake; so serious that we skip the courtesy notice and fair warning, and go straight to defacing your property. After all, you should have known you’re not allowed to park on your own grass. How long have you lived in Horn Lake? A month? A month is plenty long enough to acquaint yourself with our local ordinances. Don’t you go to the town meetings? Haven’t you stopped by City Hall to research all the possible laws you might be breaking just by living in Horn Lake? Well, too bad for you, then. Paper tickets under the windshield wiper? Why, yes, we’ve heard of them, but those are too easy to ignore, too easy to throw away. We really want your attention!

The cop next door to you had us come out and post the entire street corner by his house as a No Parking Zone, so on-street parking is forbidden. Then there’s that fire hydrant you can’t block between the corner and the only four feet of grass that’s yours, so don’t have anyone over to visit unless you can talk a neighbor into letting them park in his or her driveway, because there just isn’t anywhere else. You might try the edge of the park one street over. Just don’t let us catch you there. You also can’t bike, rollerblade, or skateboard there. God knows The South, and Horn Lake, in particular, is famous for the residents being tubs of lard so no exercise in the park! No fun! It’s forbidden. 

We must keep our reputation for being an ignorant bunch of hicks at all cost! Now go move your car before we tow it off. And welcome to Horn Lake, Mississippi.  Notice that this ticket is signed by Dan Smith, who is now head of Animal Control.

Thinking of moving to Horn Lake? Here's another post you might want to read before finalizing that decision! Welcome to Horn Lake, MS Again

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